When we see a graphic description like this, it makes no sense to say such things does it?
But time and time again, this is what people with invisible illnesses receive. Mental health illnesses which can be as debilitating as a patient in a coma.
So why do people continue to think it okay to make comments about trying harder, or give advice about how to “solve” mental illness?
My heart is warmed to see a rising level of awareness surrounding Mental Health and how serious, inexplicable, misunderstood, and biological mental illnesses can be.
My own experience is that I too am at times conflicted with thoughts of am I just not trying hard enough? or, I should be able to snap out of this.
Particularly with such a cognitively infiltrative disease such as Anorexia.
To me, my bipolar is more simplistic to understand and not blame myself for: I can rest assured knowing it is a chemical imbalance in my brain, something which I can clearly note I am powerless over. However, there remains a dichotomy of ingrained beliefs surrounding my eating disorder: I can glaringly see how powerless I am, and yet I berate myself for chronically relapsing. After twelve years of treatment for it, it’s hard not to. Shouldn’t I know better by now? Why can’t I just apply what I’ve learned?
Over the years I have, in desperation to fix myself, come up with multiple theories on what needs to happen so I may recover. For some time I frantically believed if only I found the root cause, I would then know the solution et voila – x (recovery) = a (problem) +/- b (whatever the solution would be). So simple!
Except recovery from nearly twenty years of an eating disorder is not as simple as an algebraic equation.
So what makes it so simple for me to see Bipolar Disorder as not being my fault, but so difficult for me to acknowledge Anorexia is not my fault?
The truth is -for the time being- I cannot answer such riddle.
It would appear I’ve fallen under the spell of the above stigma.
So I am putting it out there: Does anyone else share in this inner turmoil? What are your experiences and thoughts on the matter?
I would be glad to hear by comment or privately through the comment form on my “About” page.